Have you made sure your weight is not being caused by medical issues? I am overweight for my height and I find that people look at me differently when they do notice me, which isn't often anymore. I have worked out and eaten right for years and couldn't get the weight off. I started going to an acupuncturist and a Naturopath doc for help and have lost a few pounds. That's why I'm wondering if you're weight has less to do with counting calories. That's no offense to the other poster, it's just frustrating when we're told that if we just get up and move, the weight will come off. Eating right, counting calories and exercising just don't work for everyone. I hope it all works out you. Take all of the pain and rejection and use it as fuel to overcome your obstacles. The more pain I'm in, emotionally or physically, the more I let it drive me to overcome it. People are cruel and there always seems to be something for someone to reject us over, but they aren't worth beating yourself up over. Try getting yourself to a place inside that you are comfortable with without worrying right now about what others are saying or doing. Once you do that, I think you while find that there are people who will accept you as you are, or as you will be when you lose the weight. Those are the ones that mean the most in the end.
First of all, you are not too fat to have friends. I have also had trouble with my weight for years, having kids compounded the problem. Before kids it was only ten to twenty pounds. Then I gained 100 pounds with my first child. With him, I had an emergency c-section. Then I had to have one with my other two births. I was frustrated with the extra pounds. It wasn't until I went to a class on micro current that the instructor told me I had a lot of edema. I am a massage therapist so I had tried to get a lymphatic drainage massage, but they did nothing. She then proceeded to use the machine on my body and I have had great results. She explained that all the trauma had caused my body to react.
I know this is a long story but the I just want you to know people are out there who are willing to help without judgement. I learned this after thirteen years of carrying another person around with me. So I know someone will be put in your path to help you, too. Hang in there and just work on trying to stay HEALTHY. The weight will come.
Hi Sal, Your definitely not alone with how frustrated you're feeling. In addition, our society doesn't make being different from what we see thrown up everywhere in advertisements, easy. However, the way you view yourself also has a great impact on how others perceive you. So many can relate to what you are going through, or have at some point in their lives - myself included.
The good news is, you've already take the first step towards change. You recognized you really want change now! The second step is to become very specific about what you want and to stay focused on how you'll feel and what you imagine your life will be like when you get there. Then hold that vision tight and don't let go. Create a vision board, write about it in a journal... just do whatever you can to bring that vision into the physical and into your reality every single day. Define why this change is really important to you. It's most important that this is a change that is being made for you and not for other people. Success comes when we love what we're doing and how it makes us feel.
Third step... make a plan, make it obtainable and most important... one you'll enjoy! Weight loss for life is obtained through a change of lifestyle and comes more from within than it does from exercise alone. Plus, consider if your being realistic about your goal for you (genes, body type, and just where you'll be comfortable). I know plenty of people who are "over weight" by the NIH's definition... that are actually more a lot more fit and healthier than their lighter friends. How well you care for yourself are what truly define how fit one is. Food just like anything else can be an addiction.... however, unlike most other addictions, we simply can't live without it. It also doesn't help our relationship with food that a big part of our society also tends to place food in the good vs. evil light... For example... how many people have you caught saying such things as... "oh, I was so bad today, I ate a brownie at lunch". Or..."I can't eat that, I'm being good this week". We really place our sense of self-worth around food as a society, and that's really where some of the trouble starts. Pure, whole, fresh foods are wonderful, beautiful and a critical part of life! They should be celebrated and honored just as life should be.
Then we come to exercise... what do you love to do??? What "moves" you? There's so many options out there... and it can be as simple or as involved as you want it to be. It can be as simple as for going the car and riding your bike to work, to walking to the grocery store, or dancing in your living room. The important thing is that you have fun! Think back to when you were younger even... what always got you excited about movement?
The bottom line is that losing weight should not feel punitive. Perhaps instead of losing weight you could focus on just feeling better and living longer and changing your relationship with weight and food. Sometimes when we change the view over our problem, we find the problem wasn't exactly what we thought it was in the first place... it was our perspective. When we change our view, often we find solutions we might never have noticed before.
I also cannot not remind people enough not to forget that stress is not only a culprit for weight gain, but for your overall health and well being. A good, healthy, stress management program is key for anyone seeking longevity and true happiness. Postive invokes positive. When we feel good we do good. Do what you love and do it often. Create, love, live and play!
Finally....always remember, the only person's opinion of you that really matters is your own.
I wish you the very best Sal.
Warmly,
Joy
Edited by: Joy Jackson, Life & Wellness Coach on Aug 24, 2008 10:58:43 PM
Joy Jackson, Fitness and Lifestyle Coach piceanjoy@gmail.com www.joyjackson.net
I appreciate your feelings. I think that we all have similar thoughts about ourselves. We tend to be our own worst critics. Its very difficult to entertain the notion that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. But that is what is most needed. It helps me so much to understand that, while I may be a certain way, or may be in a certain situation, there are many more like me struggling with something very similar. Those kindred spirits are the ones we need to seek out. They will understand us and we will share a common bond.
Maybe you arent really too fat not to have friends. Maybe you are just too shy because you feel self conscious and they pick up on that. Just dont worry about other people. Let your light shine through and im sure people will start noticing you.
You know, I... sometimes do find myself giving overweight people a 'funny' look. However... what goes through my head when I do is far from what you wrote here, what you apparently see in their eyes.
I just feel bad for anyone 100 or more pounds overweight, because the more overweight you are, the harder your body has to work in its everyday routines. The good thing is, of course, that it's one of the most common problems that face people today. Seeing a show like The Biggest Loser made me feel much better about this problem, for one (it put people into teams to compete for the team that'd lose the most weight).
I strongly believe that positive thinking alone will add seratonin to your mind, help level your blood pressure and actually start to help your body lose weight.
About what people think... look at it this way. If someone gives you a dirty look, and you believe they were thinking something derogatory to yourself, you can convince yourself that the person at hand is simply too scared to come up and tell you to your face what they're thinking; which means, they're not sure they're right to be thinking that, which then means you don't need to trouble yourself with it :). That's what I tell myself when I feel I received a dirty look for whatever reason. "Either tell me to my face, or your story holds no water..."
About friends, I think friendship has little to do with... that attribute of your overall persona. Maybe you just find yourself in an environment where most other people live very independent live, though it's hard to see. You could start by meeting people online, in fact. But look for regular chatrooms, that way you'll know it's evenly balanced, and you'll start from a clean slate.
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